steal museum coins and throw them in fountains! make a wish! what did u wish for? nice !

i gave a talk at an archiving symposium about the post-blogosphere which i didn’t coin, link rot, and hypertext as a way to have a conversation with citation and acknowledgement embedded into it. it was a paper presentation actually and everyone really liked it, they set me up to speak after the coin curator at the barber institute of fine arts like our presentations would each offer both sides of the coin in the debate of ‘to preserve or not to preserve’ and i didn’t want it to be like that but it sure ended up like it. she asked, after my talk, what about coins, and you bet i said let visitors touch them imagine being a kid on a school trip and getting to flip an ancient coin. besides they’re possibly the least fragile artefact a museum can house so surely it would be fine and you have metal detectors if you’re really concerned about people swiping them but i’m not sure you could really make good coin with stolen artefacts if you don’t know about black market buyers so the likelihood of thievery was low right, right. she wasn’t so sure. i felt a bit mean for getting her like that but then again in her presentation she said there’s a coin she curates (?) that may or may not have the image of the prophet muhammad PBUH on it and she opted to show it to a group of kids (including muslim kids) despite this obviously being completely inappropriate! i couldn’t write the paper because you kind of need to be in funded academia to write a 80k word paper and i soon realised i was the only presenter who was not, but the paper would have been good i bet soo good.  

ignorance-is-bliss_kendrick-lamar.mp3

Hi friends. I'm sitting here in shorts and a jumper, radiator on and windows open, wondering when my life reached this point of discordance.

I'm about to hit you with some more misinformed quasi-philosophy so take some notes bc you may use this in a discussion with your friends and make yourself seem marginally cooler/deeper (unless you're talking to a philosophy major because they WILL school you and you WILL look like a sham). And forewarning: this post is NOT about the existence of god/s. I'm playing it chill rn keeping my options open, laying off the illuminati jokes for a while in case god does actually exist but REJECTS ME FROM HEAVEN because he thinks I'm in the league of rihanna and jay z.

Life is feeling pretty purposeless right now and in times like these I wish I did have actual faith, I'm not going to lie. I would love to live not having to actually fear death bc nada is coming after life is over. I wish I were ignorant to that crushing realisation that this life, which I'm already wasting begging mcdonalds to serve me breakfast after midday, is meaningless as I have no goal to work towards as religious people do (getting a ticket 2 the afterlife). Molière feels me when he said, "a learned fool is more a fool than an ignorant fool" because I feel like a damned FOOL for not being able to get into religion. Even if god doesn't exist, I would love to live my life blissfully ignorant and happy in my last dying moments that I'm going 2 the after party in the sky (bear in mind this notion of ignorance was conflated with post-renaissance humanism and disbelief in religion so I'm not outchere calling people ignorant in a r00d way I luv all my party people).

The promise of heaven seems like the sweetest deal around, and purgatory doesn't seem that bad either if it's anything like Limbo in the gr8ly underrated 1997 movie Toothless (if you know then you know). Plus, avoiding the pressure to live your life to such a full extent that you start questioning whether your happiness is genuine or forced, authentic in the moment (and you all know how authenticity plagues my soul), has to be super blissful. Instead I got this feeling of impending death w/ no payoff creeping up on me when I'm trying to make a sandwich, or I'm chilling at the zoo, or both; when I could be daydreaming about whether in heaven we have to wear whatever we die in or whether god will have mercy because yo imagine dying in a bathtub. The only non-believers that feel any sort of bliss are the lozerz that revel in putting down peeps with faith, preaching and essentially turning atheism into a religion, but surely this is only an exercise in inflating their egos - these jokers chose to not let a set of beliefs lead their lives yet find themselves planning their lives around bi-monthly atheism conventions and coffee mornings. (As Lao Tzu, ancient Chinese philosopher that predicted the plight of the militant atheist in 500 BC, would say, "To know that you do not know is the best. To think you know when you do not is a disease." slammed by a dude born before christ, son).

I'm not saying all religious people have to be happy or trying to make you feel super guilty if you aren't (I'm no Hemingway lol!! I'm a cool mom!) As Victor Cousin spits in his latest F64, "If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people." It's just the fact that religion offers an ultimate goal to work towards, a meaning in life to get enough morality points to be truly #blessed in heaven, which is something I think everyone wants - higher purpose. Is there some sort of alternative, vegetarian option for me?

Maybe, according to rising superstar Nietzche. Dude explains that existence is endless suffering, and our suffering is indifferent to all else since we're all infinitesimal specks in a vast infinity of universes ERGO our suffering is super meaningless. This tough deal is called 'ressentiment'. Sadly, since nothing change the reality of this suffering, "ressentiment should be what is forbidden most rigorously for people who are sick - it is their great evil; and unfortunately their most natural tendency as well." Sux 2 b us. 

But Nietzche proposed that if we could deal with the hypothetical scenario of 'eternal recurrence', then we'll be able to give ourselves some way to deal with this suckish life. If we were to, hypothetically, repeat our lives where we're fated to make the exact same decisions and live out the exact same experiences again and again, 'back and forth forever ))><((' in an eternal recurrence then we should have lived our lives in a cool enough way to be happy in this situation. If we think about our lives and the dumb decisions we've made *war flashbacks to fresher's week* and think 'nah fam, ur alright with your eternal recurrence ting, I ain't about it' then it means we've succumbed to ressentiment!! Oh shit haha! So how do we NOT? Nietzche says we've got to become an 'übermensch' and live with no moral code as there is no universal one anyway, just have a will to power + LOVE LIFE!

Unfortunately there are many issues with thinking, but we can still salvage the ravings of this mad man. We could just give ours lives meaning by aiming to lead a super sick one in case we end up repeating it for eternity. Although a bit of a weak conclusion, this is probably an adequate alternative as it caters to non-believers' need to be self-aware. I think they'd much rather be good because they're thinking of the consequences in a very much hypothetical situation as opposed to being told to be good by a potential deity in the sky with the threat of BURNING HELL if they don't obey (non-believers are kind of fragile and don't like being yelled at, it's kind of sad in an endearing way actually).

So has this entire blog post been leading up to the conclusion of "just be chill"? again? YES, AND U SHUD KNOW ME BY NOW, I LOVE U THEN LEAVE U (with unsatisfactory conclusions + many pop culture references to impress ur friends with). Look, if you're a lost and unbelieving soul, then congrats on ur membership to da club - we meet every tuesday and coffee mornings are on sundays. We will never reach a conclusion I'm sorry. We've learnt that we've got to be content with the life we're leading to give it purpose; so now we've got to learn how to live in the moment genuinely in order to be content with our life experiences - but hey, Camus says we have to be "stripped of all hope" and stop searching for meaning and faith in order to truly experience physical life in the moment so believe who you want to believe.

Were u hoping for a better conclusion?

Has this blog post ruined your day now?

good, welcome 2 heartbreak~

FREE PLAYLIST: Songs to listen to after watching Marley and Me

Marley and Me is a sad movie and I hate it. This film ranks second in my 'worst animal films' list, just behind Airbud 4 (like I'm really going to believe a dog can play baseball?? please, don't patronise me). This movie is about a young and misbehaving dog named Marley who, with the love of his caring owners, becomes much more than just a boring pet to this young couple. So where I take issue with this film is: how are you going to cast Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson, making it look like a fun-filled family adventure film, when that's a STRAIGHT UP LIE?

We follow this stupid dog's story - his ups and downs, from puphood to doghood - for almost 120 minutes and then right at the end (spoiler) THE DOG DIES? IS THIS FILM JOKING? And oh great, now I'm crying about this dog I didn't even like in the first place that much because I've invested almost two hours into learning his endearing canine story of overcoming obstacles and providing endless love, wow what a great day this has become.

Anyway, I've made a 10 track FREE playlist for you to listen and download, appropriate for times of  unexpected SADNESS, feelings of DECEIT AND BETRAYAL, and the beginnings of a downward spiral into acute DEPRESSION. [Listen here // download here]

If you like this free playlist thing, I'll try and make it a monthly thing - just let me know if you're into it in the comments below cheers geezers xoxox

Bindi and beyond: a Gwen Stefani timeline of cultural appropriation

I went into Urban Outfitters on Oxford Street the other week and they had a dedicated section to cultural appropriation -one wall of the store was dedicated to clothing with Ganesh, yin yangs, obligatory native American headdresses and Rastafari-esque prints. It was considerate of them to compartmentalise their problematic clothing into one area however their shame still showed. The entire store was offensive anyway; I couldn't decide what was worse, the appropriating clothing, extortionate pricing, or the lame in-store probably vegan Black Sheep Coffee shop where a beardy man makes watery drinks whilst you browse their collection of about five vinyl records. My real issue with the store though was, why is Vishnu now a fashion print? Have white people really run out of pastel colours and varieties of flower crowns so they need to appropriate existing cultures now?

the 90's were an amazingly shameless time in which we lived in

I'm making it sound like cultural appropriation is a new thing but it's not. Going back as far as my lil millennial memory takes me, Gwen Stefani comes to mind (fun fact: I got the image on the right from an Urban Outfitter's blog post on how to be bindi-era Gwen for HALLOWEEN. I'll stop complaining about cultural appropriation when cultural items stop being used as mere party costumes bYE). She paved the way for mainstream appropriation, starting with the bindi; since then the bindi has been worn as a 'symbol of female sensuality' by the likes of Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Azealia Banks, Selena Gomez, Iggy Azaela, Madonna, Shakira and many more. When Priyanka Chopra (real life Indian and Hindu) was asked about musicians wearing the bindi for fashion, she said, "I think it's great that musicians are discovering the beauty of the bindi. In today's day and age, the bindi is not restricted to religious or traditional purposes, but is actually a very popular fashion accessory." I would argue that it being a very popular fashion accessory for non-Hindus, yet still being a point of ridicule in many offensive Indian stereotypes shows an unfair cultural exchange. I suppose the actual wearing of the bindi isn't offensive however the fact that it's only deemed fashion on non-Hindus is the problematic aspect. All-round cool kid Grimes is probably the only person I've seen apologise for wearing bindis, and has stopped wearing them even though it was normalised for her growing up with her step-dad being Hindu.

Following Gwen Stefani's cultural appropriation timeline, she moved onto Japanese culture when bindis got a bit last season. Her backing dancers the Harajuku Girls were rechristened Love, Angel, Music and Baby, an acronym for her clothing line L.A.M.B. so quite literally turning them into a marketing tool. They were CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED to only speak Japanese in public, or remain silent stoic and 'doll-like'. Gwen Stefani said she was "surprised how racist everybody was about them." Good try at a save, ma. I, as a 9 year old chica, loved Gwen and the Harajuku Girls because they were sassy and - I will say it - ka-ka-ka-kawaii. But looking back at it, I feel super uncomfortable watching any of the videos they feature in because it's so confidently and unashamedly exploitative and perpetuates this gross stereotype of submissive and quiet Japanese girls. Does anything really need to be said about Avril Lavigne's latest attempt at representing Japanese culture? Not really because her Hello Kitty song/video is so beautifully lazy (it's a tragic appropriation of Gwen Stefani's 2004 success lmao rest in peace Avril Lavigne's career 2000-2008r boi). Katy Perry also had a go at Japanese culture with her Geisha AMA's performance which some people thought was actually informed and tasteful in her standards, however we must remember this is the same person who said about Japanese people, "I'm so obsessed I want to skin you and wear you like Versace".

So where did Gwen go next?? Obviously native Americans. Also done by Lana del Rey, Pharrell and Phantogram (the latter two actually apologised), No Doubt's video for Looking Hot was the most wildly misinformed and I think we all expected better from 2012. Singing about looking hot, dressed in native-American sexualised clothing and being tied up isn't the most appropriate thing to do with a culture infamous for the amount of rape and abuse they have been subjected to (similar sins were committed by Victoria's Secret a week later). I guess this new fashion of white American's wearing the clothing of people their ancestors killed became a cool thing, because headdresses are now a staple fashion at music festivals like Coachella and Urban Outfitters even came out with a line of 'Navajo' clothing. Amasing.

This whole blog post makes me kind of sad, because I kind of love Gwen Stefani's music. But it's possible to enjoy something yet acknowledge problematic aspects and feign from blindly revering that person (see this amazing piece of yellow-face that people always seem to ignore when they buttlick Jean Luc Godard. "Yeh but it woz satire" yeah but it was still SUPER DISCOMFORT-MAKING). As I have been seen to do on twitter, I will fight you if you tell me shitsense like "cultural appropriation is okay if it's done right" [actual quote via someone I will not name but am still laughing at 4ever and always]. Cultural appropriation will always be problematic because it presents an unequitable exchange between the white-Western world and the cultures it is taking from. Things like bindis and native American headdresses are taken and turned into a fashion, yet these cultures are receiving nothing in return. They can't take fashions from bland white-America, nor do they get any economic gain or respect. In fact, it only substantiates stereotypes, can disrespect the cultures and make way for this idea that 'it looks fashionable on a white person, but looks otherly and alien on people of the culture of origin'. I ain't about it, son.

Also, I get people asking me " is it okay if I...." look, go nuts and wear whatever if you're aware of the origin, are doing so tastefully, and are in an environment in which others from that culture are welcoming you to do it (e.g. wearing a sari at an Indian wedding) - that wouldn't be cultural appropriation, it's an exploration of culture I guess. Just don't call it your summer fashion 2k14 ok.

--

[UPDATE!! As of July 14th, Urban Outfitters have pulled a Lord Ganesh duvet from their online store. This was less about the illustration itself and more about the product as Rajan Zed, a Hindu activist from Nevada and president of the Universal Society of Hinduism said “You can put him in a frame and on the wall. That is fine, but it is not to be put on the bed, on which you lie and your feet will go on. That is very inappropriate." (similar to the Ganesh socks they were made to pull in December, "Lord Ganesh was highly revered in Hinduism and was meant to be worshipped in temples or home shrines and not to be wrapped around one's foot."). Not super relevant to my blog post but is interesting to note how being uninformed of the origin can turn appreciation into appropriation.]

dolphin wears hat, wins heart of nation

figure 1: dolphin wears hat, holds cane, and rocks my world

I'm struggling with what to write my next blog post about. I've already rinsed the whole mainstream 2010's culture thing - how do I keep writing about my daily life as a post millennium party person when I am doing anything but partying? - and can probably never top my magnum opus that is the study into the Monites as far as the less informative posts go. At one point, I decided I would make a post about sea animals wearing people clothes but this idea came to an abrupt halt when a google image search retrieved v. few noteworthy results (a shady sea lion in sunglasses, penguins wearing the traditional Korean 'hanbok' and a showbiz dolphin - figure 1).

I feel like Clint Eastwood- once at my prime, once Dirty Harry; but after two months of not blogging I have deteriorated to an loon talking to a chair (THE FUNNEST OF FACTS: the incident has its own wikipedia page). Both mind and body go with old age and he is proof, which is why I do sodoku puzzles most days and walk up and down the stairs to keep my joints nimble and supple. In that way, I suppose he's my inspiration. I could do a blog post on staying healthy and young but this would not be entertaining.

How much can I really write about millennials and iphones and macklemore when we're all living it already? Who am I? What is my purpose? Does anyone care for more than 5 minutes until the next outrage comes along? Is this what if feels like to write for buzzfeed?

I thought my post about pasta shapes was filler but I guess this truly is. Up next: cultural appropriation, overrated white men and some more of my wild misinterpretations of philosophy!!

the audacity of pasta

Hi friends/millenium kidz. I've got some more serious issues to turn into dumb blog posts that do not adequately address the seriousness of the issues (cultural appropriation, does art negate the sins of the artist) BUT UNTIL THEN I've made this quick post about pasta to tide you over.

When I'm not blogging (bc I'm a blogger) I am TWEETING. The Tweeter is a really cool site that lets you say stuff in 140 or less characters which is great because that's basically the capacity of my brain. I use my tweeter to tweet about persian rugs, goldfish, and much more. Recently I have been tweeting about the exploitative nature of pasta shapes, and the false consciousness we have been living under. Below is the full tale.

If we've learned anything from this blog post, it is that 1) people who buy particular pasta shapes are delusional and cannot face reality, 2) all pasta tastes the same and 3) I clearly cannot let a joke die gracefully. Note, I wanted to entitle this blog post 'pastacity', a portmanteau of pasta and audacity, but it sounds like a new-wave funk band (maybe a lot of synth, maybe a lot of sauce) so I decided against it. 'Pastastic' was another idea however it suggests I think the variety of pasta shapes are fantastic - this is not so.

So what are YOUR views on pasta shapes? What is your favourite shape of pasta? Are you disappointed in me for not writing an actual blog post? And if you could be any pasta shape, what would you be? (I would be a bowtie because it is indicative of a GOOD TIME.)

(whispers) follow me on twitter

I almost support normcore

Hello party people of the night, I got some more *middle class white woman working for the Telegraph voice* 'popular culture news' for you!! Something occurred on the internet in the last few weeks and I'm here to inform u, so u can casually bring it up in conversation and stay ultra relevant (I got ur back, papi).

NORMCORE has been named the definitive fashion of white peeps. To dress normcore, one must wear straight leg denims, of which you do not remember the brand name but it's probably from Gap, a plain Fruit of the Loom T-Shirt and shoes of no particular type - just shoes. If you're having a tough time imagining it then stop trying, and just think of Larry David. Vogue define it as "a bland anti-style," but the question remains whether it's super hip to make having no style into a style, or whether it just means you don't love yourself enough. Some Normcore kidz did some explaining, "Normcore doesn't want the freedom to become someone, normcore moves away from a coolness that relies on difference to a post-authenticity that opt into sameness." Although, if you're begging to be the same then why try and be different and alienating by giving this fashion a name?? Why not call the fashion 'post-grunge' (when the music died, all the 90's teens grew up and got jobs in unprofessional but secure managerial positions) and stop trying to be innovative (ref: seapunk)? I'm full of questions, papi - here are some more:

why is white people's lack of culture being turned into a culture?

wasn't grunge enough of a white fashion or did they feel guilty for using yin yangs too often in the 90s?

weren't snuggies enough of a sweet white style?

IDK, YOU TELL ME, FRIENDS. I would say let them claim blandness lmao plus there's no cultural appropriation in sight!! This weird style is putting a calm end to the problematic Gwen Stefani era of style where apologies for wearing a native american headdress were "but I'm 1/24th cherokee!!" as opposed to a solemn "soz." White people NOT getting tense at being made to feel white guilt, white people NOT appropriating my culture, white people SHARING this new normcore culture with all cultures - this is brilliant and I'm not kidding (I never joke). So what if normcore is super lame and not cool - at least it's not harmful. Oh wait, hold up papi I got one more question actually:

is it problematic that the 'norm' in normcore is synonymous with white?

oh shit ma! we found the issue!! HAHA DAMN!! This emergence of a solely western, americanised fashion where 'white culture' is the norm, wow that sux but idk what I can do about these little things except move on in the fight for equality lol. Ce la vie, nahmean? I really thought we made a breakthrough haha oh man oh well, maybe next time.

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B T DUBZ a lil disclaimer to the ones I luv - I've used the term 'white ppl' a lot in this blog post, but with no malice, so to my twitter h8rs/reverse-racist accusers who happen to be of the white complexion:

many white people are good friends of mine, I'm very familiar with the white community
— Ayesha A. Siddiqi (@pushinghoops) November 26, 2012

stay strong, bcos I do x