I am FRICKING the FUKK OUT right now, my friends. I'VE NEVR HAD A DISORDER - DISORDER SUGGESTS CHAOS AND MY BEING IS NOT READY FOR THIS WHEN I OCCASIONALLY GET STITCHES FROM THAT LITTLE JOG YOU DO WHEN SOMEONE HOLDS THE DOOR OPEN FOR YOU. I even wrote positively dark diary entries documenting this bodily deterioration and I'm sorry in advance if I scare you but my soul is also afraid for my well-being and my chakra is out of whack right now, I'm losing who I am to my affliction.
2/1/2014: "My body is breaking down. Joints audibly creak like my door did before mum rubbed Vaseline into the hinges. I will not take the chance of brittle bones in my youth and as such drank almost a litre of semi-skimmed milk today in a wild panic; I'm sure I weed most of the calcium out though. My jaw also clicks occasionally in the way your thumb and middle finger slide off each other as opposed to the sound itself. When I try to show someone though, the clicking stops. My body is developing skills to make sure any major illnesses go undetected and this makes me feel unjustly targeted as I don't tend to mistreat my bones."
I knew from day two of 2014 that my body was CONSPIRING AGAINST ME. Is this what A$ap Rocky was talking abt? I would NEVR talk shit, especially if I knew I'd consequently get lock jaw. Still confused and frankly hurt by this unwarranted attack on my being from within, I continued to diary-write.
4/1/2014: "My jaw has clicked to different degrees of severity all day. Decaying from head to toe, inside to outside; my jaw bone will be the first of me to go. Although I am wildly worried I may never chew unassisted again I am more concerned with whether this sudden breakdown of my being is my body punishing me for not drinking 8 glasses of water a day. As soon as I had this thought, I drank 4 glasses of water successively. I will work through the internal attack as best I can and try and reason with my body via vitamin D supplements."
5/1/2014: "Like chalk rubbing against chalk, the joint will wear softly away and my jaw will be last seen on the ground."
7/1/2014: The left side of my jaw has, regrettably, slipped. The clicks are so consistent and frequent that I have succumbed to self-diagnosis. Temporomandibular Joint Disorder sounds v uncool and, although harmless, will impact my quality of life. Despite being a disorder, I will gain zero sympathy because this is a joke disorder. I will trust my self-diagnosis because I fear, as others experience with bipolar disorder, having 'temporomandibular joint disorder' on my medical records may affect my future job prospects. The chances of this are negligible however, with my quality of life soon to be impacted I cannot risk any other area of my life being affected by this cruel affliction. I am deteriorating from the crown to the floor; my neck aches now. My weak body is irreparable and I will soon start to see bonedust trailing behind on the floor - I prophesy the end of January because snow is forecast then."I'm not sure what I was smoking when I wrote all of that, but it was definitely not drugs because I'm far too square to even joke abt doing anything illegal. My diary entries may sound like The Cure b-sides, but my dark and sexy writing is besides the point. The spooky tone is the well-known narrative voice of a girl that knows she has lost a battle against her temporomandibular joint. This is a sad day 4 rock n roll.
I had a similar problem when I couldn't stop popping my ears. Eventually it passed and I forced myself NOT to self-diagnose via the interwebular. Don't worry, no one knows what this disorder is other than those who think/or actually have it. You could pretend it's something far more serious and severe and then become that romanticised tragic heroine who's disorder drives them to create a masterpiece.
ReplyDeleteUr right, I'm going to see my GP about it soon although i'm pretty sure i got it bad - my jaw literally juts out to the left if i open it too wide it's horrifying and frightening.
DeleteI'm writing the book now (working title: The Fault In Our Jaws)
Do you get the headache symptoms too? My cousin had a jaw problem (not sure about details) that was fixed with braces and her headaches disappeared with it. The GP sounds like a good idea- or perhaps a dentist appointment. You never know what you really have until you ask the experts. I've been told that bone-clicking could be the result of iron deficiency so there seem to be many different alternative explanations... I hope it's nothing! I am so good at diagnosing myself with things- I told myself I must have arthritis in year 9 because my hands and fingers weren't acting right and I still believe i will most likely develop it when I'm older due to the way I hold my pen etc.
ReplyDeleteYour diary entries sound like they have been taken out of a good gothic fiction book...The fault in our jaws omg <3
i literally have no idea what 2 comment this time except that ur diary entries let me kno that ur the ryt friend 4 me
ReplyDeleteregards
roronono